david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Quick, to the slutcave!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
