yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
