gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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