you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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