i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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