You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
