The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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