my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
