This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Holy shit dude........stairs
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