I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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