I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
jump out the window naked night went bad
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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