Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
