Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
