where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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