I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do herpes really smell.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
