The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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