She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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