Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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