Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
