Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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