I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
