I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
