careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
