Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
