i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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