i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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