I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
