She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
