Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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