matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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