my vag is so smooth its legendary
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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