if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
