I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
