afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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