hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
ttyl tear gas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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