I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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