when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
