is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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