I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
