I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
