We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
