There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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