I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
