Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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