he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
