i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
