coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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