I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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