I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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