how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
