Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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