I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
