take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
