i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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