I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
