Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
