Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
