So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I died a long time ago.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
