Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
