at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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