yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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