just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
